“When you think everything is someone else’s fault, you will suffer a lot. When you realize that everything springs only from yourself, you will learn both peace and joy.” (Dalai Lama)

More and more women in their thirties come to me with problems related to relationships or the lack of it. According to their opinion, they typically had two relationships in their lives, the first lasted six to eight years, the second took almost the same or more from their lives. They long for a family and a child, but there is no one to fulfill this desire with. Most of the time, they already knew at the beginning of the relationship that they didn’t want to spend their lives together, they don’t need children from each other, since they hardly have anything in common. They both expect different things from life, but they don’t tell each other that, they just live life side by side and both do what they want. Most of the time, they already knew at the beginning of the relationship that they didn’t want to spend their lives together, they don’t need children from each other, since they hardly have anything in common. They both expect different things from life, but they don’t tell each other that, they just live life side by side and both do what they want. It also happens that they limit each other in certain things. And time goes on and on. Then comes the breakup, which hurts, because it’s a loss. It’s bad without the other, even if they no longer loved each other with love, they just got used to being together, learned to “belong” in a certain way. Unfortunately, over the years, they prevented each other from gaining experience, searching for and finding the real thing. A waste of time for themselves and the other party! They never said “I love you” to each other, because there was some emotion only at the beginning of the relationship, and as they got to know each other better, it passed. Yet six, eight, ten years have passed! Relaxing together in the warm water. They never talked about their goals because they didn’t feel that they should achieve them together. Most of them didn’t even know if the other would ever want children. We should dream the future together and then make it come true! I think it is also important whether they want to live in an apartment or a house. In the countryside, in the capital, or somewhere in a small town? Do you need a child, how many, what do you want? Do you need an animal, a cat, a dog, a horse, a hamster, or something else? Talk to each other, get to know yourself and your partner!

After all these years together, suffering from a lack of experience, unfortunately they have no idea about starting over after the breakup. How and where to get to know each other, who they can trust, what they know about, who is worth giving a chance to. As adults, they are more afraid of disappointment, which is completely understandable. However, if there were some experiences in adolescence, it would be easier to bear the disappointment and there would certainly be some patterns to avoid. They would dare to trust again and again, without having to fear what will happen if they don’t find the “right one” the first time.

In my opinion, in order to find the real one, every boy or girl between the ages of fifteen and twenty-five should spend time gaining experience and searching, keeping in mind, of course, what they want from life. Getting to know each other, going out together, breaking up, hurting and being offended, asking for forgiveness, forgiveness, then getting to know each other again, trusting, believing, looking for more and finally finding the one who is the perfect partner for us. You should also dare to use the word “I love you” without playing games. I think we should all experience what it’s like to have agreed to love someone, and we should also know what it’s like to be loved! It would be good to do all this without games, because we do not move good energies when we keep others in uncertainty, fear, worry or jealousy. We are just wasting time, our own and our partner’s! Think about it, would it be good for us?

“Don’t do unto others what you don’t want done unto you.” (Confucius)

It is also worth saying a few words about compromise. You can live a life never having loved. You can also spend it without the right partner by your side, because you love someone else, but maybe that person is unavailable to you. Does this serve as an example for your family and children to follow? Would you like them to live a life like yours? Many people live in social solitude rather than alone. If your chosen one is aggressive, narcissistic, alcoholic, or suffers from other addictions, not only you will be hurt, but also your children! Of course, everyone decides for himself how to live his life. No one can be saved from themselves!

I say when you’re young, look for it! Don’t settle for someone who you know isn’t right for you, or who you feel doesn’t make you happy spending time with them! Let each other go! Move on, for yourself and for him! It’s okay to try being alone. During the time spent in this way, you can develop and perhaps realize what you really want. You owe it to yourself to live a happy life!